Parole
by InvaderL
Summary: Instead of all the smiles and talk of friendship in the Hall of Friendship, Twilight drops the bomb that she's assigning Starlight a parole officer.
I heard the door open and froze, my eyes going wide. I turned around, where Princess Twilight's little helper dragon was waving me to follow him. I gulped, knowing that this—whatever this will be—will forever change my life as I know it. I let out the breathe I didn't know I was holding bofore I trot after him, not wanting to dilly dally any longer.

I sulked into the council room and began before they'd all even registered my being there. "I know there's no excuse for what I did, but I want you all to know that I'm ready for whatever punishment you think is fair." I said, my throat tight as I nervously approached the council of friendship.

"Good." Princess Twilight said, closing her eyes. "Because this isn't exactly going to be pleasant." My eyes widen as I took in her words and my chest tightened. "For any of us." She looked to Fluttershy and nods.

Fluttershy rolls her eyes in a way she thinks no one would notice before taking out a little, itty bitty bell. I tilt my head, more confused than concerned now. She rings it, but the noise isn't the sound of a bell ringing, but rather that of an air horn. A very loud air horn. The entire council and myself all covered our ears with our hooves and close our eyes out of pain at the piercing noise. "Oh Fluttershy dear! Is it tea time already? Oh you must forgive me, I forgot the cucumber sandwiches." I hear a muffled male voice through my hooves.

I open my eyes. "GAH!" I screamed, falling back on my hind hooves. "What in all of Tartarus is that?!" I shouted, gesturing with my front hooves frantically. It turned around, quivering it's snaggle tooth and raising an eyebrow at me. I gasp in horror. "Is that thing my punishment?! Are you going to feed me to it?!" I slid back on my flanks in terror, pushing with all my legs to go backwards.

The thing glanced at Twilight, then at Fluttershy before looking back at me with a grin. "Why yes, yes I am." It… He… Thing… Whatever it is, said.

I nearly fell backwards before turning around to bolt. I know that I said I was ready but I wasn't expecting to be fed to a monster! I started to gallop but I ran face first into a wall of feather-y fur. I backed up and gasped as I saw the monster had grown five sizes, and it's mouth had turned into a gaping maw of teeth and razor sharp tongues. "Okay! I'm ready to punish you whenever you are!" It said in a sing-song voice of gurgles and growls.

I screeched, turning and running towards the friendship council. "Please don't let it eat me!" I yelled, sliding to a stop; tears streaming down my face from pure fear. I then noticed they were all struggling not to laugh and began to shake my head in denial. I flipped around, screeched at the monster, then I looked back at them. "Why are you laughing at me?! This is sick and wrong!" I almost sobbed.

"Discord..!" Fluttershy managed to say through thinly hidden chuckles. "That's not very nice."

"Oh but come on Fluttershy, my dear, dear friend." The creature dubbed Discord said from behind me. I gulp and turn around slowly. "It was an opportunity I couldn't just let go, it's far too rare an occasion that our friends let me have a little fun." I choked on my throat as I struggled to figure out whether to scream or laugh. His giant mouth of teeth and tongues had transformed into a grinning kitten's head.

"Starlight Glimmer?" Princess Twilight called from behind me. I turned back to her, "This is your parole officer, Discord." She said with a happy smile. I gape her, "He's going to follow you around and make sure you don't get into any trouble for a while."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Discord walks past me, tossing the kitten head away like a cardboard mask, waving another left arm out with each wait. "No one consulted with me about this!" All four left hands thumped a thumb against his chest. I couldn't even think of anything to do except stare and let my mouth hang open. "I will have my lawyer brought into this! I will have a complaint filed! I will have your Princess license revoked! I-"

"Think of it as your chance to prove that you've really changed since the whole Tirek incident." Twilight cuts in to his rant with a grin. "You do want to prove that to everyone, right?" I finally closed my mouth. It seems that Princess Twilight has more than just me as her enemy that she's keeping under control.

He hums. "You're truly fitting into the role of a ruler well Princess Twilight, but don't let all that absolute power go to your head." He appeared next to her and poked her head, causing it to grow twice in size. I snorted and hid my muzzle behind a hoof as she nearly fell from her throne.

"Discord!" Twilight yelled. Discord laughed out loud before shining a blue light flash light at her head , returning it to normal with a flash of light. He just laughed at her as she sat on her kitten throne with a very annoyed expression. "Would you please—I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here!"

"Oh so am I." He snapped his talons while still laughing, the throne changing back to its original form. "And I'm failing, and I'm sorry for that." He pulled an overly large red hat out from... Somewhere, donning it on. "It's just I'm so agitated."

Twilight shook her head, "Agitated or not, I am technically your ruler now. At least treat me with the respect a common pony treats a banana."

Every feature on Discord suddenly started glowing bright red. "Oh my word!" He said in a very feminine voice. "How scandalous!" My eyes literally hurt to look at him he's so bright.

I shook my head. This was utterly ridiculous. "Are you sure we should be trusting him with Starlight?" Rainbow asked quietly, but not quietly enough, crossing her hooves. "I don't really like this."

Applejack nodded in agreement. "Ah mean, he's not a horrible stallion. But trusting him with her?"

Discord stomped, the glow disappearing in an instant. "I'll have you know, I identify as a biseedal apple tree, not a stallion!" Everypony just tilted their heads at him in confusion. "Too soon?" He asked with a shrug. "What, you expect me to wait until it's over to mock it? That might take years!"

A few of the councilmares glanced over at Fluttershy who only shook her head. She only sighed and said, "You don't wanna know."

"Look!" Twilight grunted, holding her face in her hoof. "We're all getting off track here." She waved away the raising complaints from our resident monster. "Discord, I'm giving you free reign over how you choose to do it, but just remember that you're supposed to be reforming her—like Fluttershy reformed you. Got it?"

Discord held up a small orb, showing a recording her Twilight's latest speech. "Clear as this crystal ball your royal horse goddessness."

"Good."

* * *

I fished my keys out of my saddlebags, groaning in utter agony. " _This_ is where you live?" Discord asked incredulously. "Seriously? In a Manehatten apartment building of all places!"

"Everypony has equal living space here." I opened the the door, kicking my bags through the door. "Well for the most part. It's better than not living in an apartment building.

"But it's so boring!"

I gawked. "It's not boring! It's beautiful! Look at this!" I ran over, kicking the door shut, and pointed at the unpainted, grey plaster walls. "It's so pure and unchanged!" I pressed my cheek against the wall, breathing in the aroma of the dusty material, "It's _perfect._ "

Discord tapped the wall, turning it into an explosion of pink and purple colors, hints of green and red dotted about it. "This is much better."

I back up, falling on my flanks in horror. "What the Tartarus did you do?!" I screamed, shielding my eyes from it. "It's hideous!"

"You ma'am, have horrible tastes." I saw a flash pass around my hoof and sighed in relief when I saw he'd changed it back.

"You..." I considered his words earlier. "...Appletree... Stallion... Whatever... Are overstepping your boundaries. You're my parole officer, not my mom. You also don't live here." I opened the door. "So if you would please allow me to kick you out."

He sat down on my pale brown couch, I love that beautiful couch, flopping over the arms of it like a sheet. "Hm... We should go to the carnival. Is there a carnival in town?" I hate carnivals. "Maybe go on a Ferris wheel!" I hate Ferris wheels even more. He snapped his fingers, causing my fridge to sprout legs and walk over.

"Put things back to the way they were and get out."

"Do you like clowns?" He fished around in my freezer, pulling out and eating ice trays, but leaving the ice in the fridge. I cringed, those were relatively expensive due to my employment. "What about sewers and drainage pipes?"

"Get–" I paused, his words sinking in. "Excuse you?"

"Sewers. Drainage pipes." He spun his talon in a circle, grabbing a pre–made sunflower sandwich and quickly swallowing it whole. "Water and waste drains into them?"

"I know what a sewer is you foal. I meant what do sewers have to do with clowns?" I closed the door, walking over and hitting his head with a hoof. "And get off my couch and out of my fridge!"

"Some clowns live in them." I closed my eyes. No. I'm not doing this.

"Discord, I'm going to tell on you."

Discord stopped, turning his head an impossibly number of degrees around to face me. "Are you serious? That's the best you've got?" I opened my mouth to retort. "What am I, your annoying younger brother? No! I'm a literal god of chaos!" He stood on my couch, raising his arms up as all my furniture fell to the ceiling. "I am the ruler of strange, the master of odd—if craziness were darkness, I'd cast a shadow on darkness itself!" Everything start to grow legs and dance on the ceiling. "And you think you can get me out of your house by threatening to tattle on me like I'm a two year old?"

I stared at me, my mouth slightly open as I search for the words. "Yes?"

He lowers his arms. "Oh, okay." With a snap, everything is back the way it was supposed to be. That's it? That was easy! I looked around: no Discord in sight! I sighed, a smile gracing my features as I trotted over and rummaged through my fridge. I paused at the sunflower sandwich, adding a mental note to self to throw it away later, before pulling out the second best thing: pre–made hay fries! The fries floating next to me, I wander into my bedroom and take a book from the shelf, ready for a night of relaxation.

 _Tap tap tap tap_

I froze, my eyes darting to my window. The window, I might add, that leads out to a seven story drop. Of course it could be a pegasus, but why would they knock on my window? With growing dread I pulled back the curtains, "Howdy neighbor!" The grinning face of Discord, lounging on a sizable red couch in a grand hall way lined with statues, said from the other side of my window. "Guess what! I just moved to Manehatten and wouldn't you know it, we're neighbors!"

I shook my head, running into the living room and sticking my head out the window in fear. "What the buck." Literally duct taped to my bed room window was a mansion, balanced precariously on two smaller apartment buildings across the street. By all laws of physics, this shouldn't be possible. I turn my gaze down Main street where I can see Ponyville in the far, far distance. "Princess Twilight, I will make you rue this day! You will regret making me stuck with this maniac!" I yelled out the window, shaking my hoof in her direction.

"Oh pipe down!" A stallions voice from down stairs yelled up. "I'm tryin' a sleep here!"

"No, you shut up!" I yelled back. "I'm trying to have an enraged rant at a Princess!"

* * *

 _"Sometimes I feel like a normal person. Sometimes I forget I'm on parole, that I'm not really free."_  
 _― Jennifer Lane_


End file.
